TynedaleNLP

We all know how to relax...really...

...sometimes we just forget how...

I was working with a man recently who believed he couldn’t relax. We had tried breathing exercises in the usual way, but he had reported back saying that every time he sat down to relax and thought about how he should relax it just made him more tense...more anxious.

This man used to be a smoker. I asked him what it was like being that smoker...then...in the past, when he believed he could relax; the skill he believed had left him since he had quit. He said he would go outside, light up, smoke then go back to whatever he was doing. I invited him to break this down even further, to investigate the finer details of what he was actually doing...

First of all he was removing himself from the source of stress or irritation and allowing himself a distraction – going outside: a different environment; different atmosphere.

Secondly I encouraged him to explore that sequence of smoking – what he was actually doing when he smoked. Basically, he was drawing the smoke deeply into his lungs with long, slow breaths – he was, in a way, breathing deeply.
 
Thirdly whilst he was smoking he was allowing his mind to wander, to just go wherever it wanted – he was entering a kind of smoking trance.

When this ritual had ended he was able to go back to the source of irritation with a different perspective and essentially a clearer and more focussed mind.

All this is fascinating and in essence it is a good example of therapy in action. Some basic cognitive behavioural patterns at re-direction are in evidence: stopping and thinking – finding a distraction to interrupt the original unhelpful pattern, then returning with a new perspective.

What is interesting from a hypnotherapeutic perspective is the second and third stages.

We all know that nicotine is a stimulant, so why does smoking help you relax? Well, it’s not necessarily the smoke that helps you do this, it’s the deep breathing action. With every exhaled breath the body will relax and your anxious state will shift – it cannot not happen, particularly if you ally this with the third step; a mind meandering trance-state.
 
The third stage is really important because the more you can engage with your unconscious mind in this way the more amazing the results will be. How often have you tried to remember the name of an actor in a film, desperately wracked your mind to no avail only for it to ‘come to you’ hours later when you’re engaged in a meaningless, and usually trance-like task?

This man’s third stage was allowing him to do something very similar. It was giving his conscious mind a rest and letting his unconscious mind do what it does best – come up with wonderful, creative solutions which have his best interests at the forefront.

I did not encourage him to take up smoking again, but what I did do was to invite him to practise four stages –
 
1. Remove himself to a place where he could be comfortable, preferably outside. I was careful discourage him from frequenting past smoking venues to ensure there were no associations that would trigger a relapse.

2. Breathe deeply and to be keenly aware of the freshness of the clear, clean air filling his lungs, and of how good that felt.

3. Go with whatever thoughts come to mind – day dream...

4. Go back to the source of the original stress and evaluate how you feel. If nothing has changed, repeat the process, and add the Garden of Happiness to stage 3.

He went away sceptically and tried this...

To date he has never had to repeat the stages more than once per episode...

We all know how to relax...there is something deep within us which demands it. Sometimes all we need is to realise when we’re doing it unconsciously and to magnify it consciously so we can then unconsciously access true and deep relaxation when we most need it.

For you the route may be different...
...take a moment now...

If you’d like to experience deep relaxation and allow your mind to explore the wealth of resources available to you contact me for a free initial consultation.

You have all the resources you need to make successful changes.